Applying for a Job: Skip of Team Canada!

So Kevin Koe managed to lose his last three games at the World Championship, getting pretty soundly beaten each time by some solid European squads. So they return home from Beijing without a medal.

I have seen the CCA site trying to put a positive spin on this by saying we are the only country to have finished in the top 6 in every world event. Really? This is sad.

I know they will not admit it, but surely the fact that they had already publicly parted ways before the final clearly had an impact on their performance. They looked drained from the week, from the season and from the past three years. As I mentioned last week, the pace required to play at an elite level is now somewhat grueling, and it showed.

Apparently, the 3 guys left on the team after Koe forms his new team (Simmons, Rycroft and Thiessen) are planning on sticking together, renting a skip and playing 3 or 4 events next year, including the Brier. Wow. Quite the Team Canada! I am sure this is exactly what the CCA had in mind when it hatched up relegation and the Team Canada spot.

But anyway – here is my quick note to Nolan, Carter and Pat:

Hi Guys:

I hear you guys are in need of a skip for next year at the Brier, the Canada Cup and whatever other free events that you can get into! Please allow me to offer up my services as your new skip. I have attached my CV, as well as letters of reference from my Mixed team, as well as a guy I won the Lachine Curling Club Turkeyspiel with 11 years ago. I have also attached a Team Pic - just to show you guys how good we would look together!

Pretty schnazzy!

I am not a bad curler, and I can bring to the team the level of hairlessness to which you have grown accustomed from your skip. While I do not have the pedigree (pun intended) of a Kevin Martin, or the stylish hair of a Jeff Stoughton, I can definitely add some “je-ne-sais-quoi” to your team.  Plus I look good in red!

 I mean who are your other choices?

Kevin Martin? C’mon, he is a has-been. You might as well pick up Randy Ferbey!  Did you see that in-turn hit he dumped against Morris in the Trials? Rachel Homan peels better.

Stoughton? Bah. His inturn looked more like he was throwing a Frisbee at the beach at the Brier this year!

Morris? He is taking the year off to go to fireman school! (where you apparently learn how to pump iron and pick up women from your fire truck)

Howard? He is starting his new career as a TV actor! Way too busy to curl.

Brock Virtue? I hear he is in anger management for a year.

Brad Jacobs? You guys are not beefy enough to lure him away from his current monstrous team. (although Nolan is pretty big)

 And everyone else is busy!

So that leaves ... me!!! C’mon – it will be fun!

Sincerely,

Mike Fournier

 ***

Look Mom – I am a celebrity!!!

I have been invited to play in the Kurl 4 Kids celebrity bonspiel next weekend in Oakville! Unlike the Montreal event, the Toronto edition is kind of a celebrity pro-am, where fundraisers get to play with celebrity skips after having raised piles of money for local children’s hospitals (as well as the Sandra Schmirler foundation).

And guess what, I am a CELEBRITY SKIP! Wow! I have made it! (I knew that guy following me to McDonalds yesterday was a member of the paparazzi, not a homeless guy looking for a cheeseburger). I can promise you all that now that I have become a famous celebrity, I will not forget all the little people who helped me make it. Does this mean I will be recognized when I go to Walmart? Will I have to start wearing giant bug-eye sunglasses in public? Oh, the high price of fame!

Seriously, I am thrilled and honored to be invited, and always happy to donate my time to help out a good cause.

I have looked at a list of some of the other celebrity skips, (including Jamie Koe and Jamie Korab) and I am very worried that the weekend will likely be as much about liver damage as curling. Ah the sacrifices we make.

So if you FORGOT or were uninspired to donate to my Montreal Kurling for Kids team two weeks ago, you can make up for it now by donating by clicking on the link below. The money raised will go to the Sandra Schmirler foundation whose mission is to help fund Neo-Natal Intensive Care in Canada. Having spent 6 weeks in a Neo-Natal care unit with my son when he was born, I can tell you that this is a cause that is dear to my heart as well, so give generously!

https://www.gifttool.com/donations/Donate?ID=2075&AID=3193

Thanks!

What the Olympics have done to Competitive Curling – Part Deux

What the heck is going on? Where is everyone going?

Somewhat shocking news in the curling world this week:  Johnny Mo, after finishing as bridesmaid at the Brier and at the Olympic Curling Trials has decided to hang up his curling shoes (for a season at least), in order to focus on his firefighting skills.  

This after Alison Kveviazuk (the 2^nd on Rachel Homan’s team packed it up and moved to Sweden). And after it has become known that Carter Rycroft and Nolan Thiessen will take some time off from the game to focus on business, family or whatever.

No word on what Stoughton, Martin or Howard will be up to next year, with their teams having disappeared beneath them.

Why all the changes? Why all of the retirements?

A lot of change was to be expected in the season following the Olympic Trials. But this seems a bit crazy.

      Why are people quitting, or at least taking a sabbatical? Quick answer: because competitive curling has become insane. While only a few teams can make a living at curling alone, (and few even try), the competitive curling season has become such that no reasonable person with a job or a family can possibly keep up with it on an ongoing basis. Imagine you are a top notch Canadian curler. With a wife and kids... And a decent job. Here is the requirement of your curling commitment (in a non-Olympic Year):       

• One week off for provincials
• One week  off for Brier
•  4 Grand Slams, travel on Wed = 12 days (or 2.5 weeks off)
•  8-12 other spiels = 2 days off each = 10 days off

Total: 6-7 weeks of vacation required to curl

Then you need to practice. Pretty much every day you are not curling in a spiel, you should be throwing – let’s say 1 hour per day.
Then you need to be physically fit. You need to be at the gym at least a few times per week – likely more if you are front ender.

This does not leave a lot of time for family, actually working at your job, friends outside of curling.

Here is the rub: you can do all of this for 3-4 years, and still get nothing out of it, because someone has to finish in 2^nd place (and 3^rd, and 4^th).

So we have created a curling season aimed at producing the best curlers to compete internationally, but have we also created a curling schedule that almost seems designed to burn out the best curlers? I guess the guys who are taking time off will likely come back to the game once they have recharged their batteries, but watching Koe this week at the worlds it almost seems like they are on automatic pilot. They look tired. They look drained. They look frustrated when things do not go their way – not sure they will win. I hope they do. These guys are insanely good, but when you look at how much they have curled, you have to wonder how much more can they take?

Was it an accident that the team that represented Canada at the Olympics was really the last team at the party...the last team to earn their spot at the Trials (and maybe the least burnt out?)

Questions for discussion (and I am not saying I know the answer):

Are we burning out our top curling teams?

Is this the best way to develop the game, and to develop curling in general?

Has competitive curling become inaccessible to all but a few "professional" curlers who make the choice to devote their lives to the game?

I am certain that team changes and people stepping back will always be part of curling, but this year in particular seems to highlight some of the flaws inherent in our way of thinking about how to manage competitive curling.
There will always be some players/teams that have the time/lifestyle/sponsorship to go all-in for some period of time, and I definitely think they deserve to reap the rewards from this sacrifice.

I can tell you that I have gone hard for a couple of years...and it is crazy. It is tough on the family, it is tough on the career - and I play a schedule that is roughly half as demanding as what the top teams will play. I can't imagine how I could keep my life going if I did decide to play a schedule comparable to the top 5-6 teams. 

I always used to love the fact that you would watch the Brier, and the players would all have a "profession" outside of the game. There were mailmen, firefighters, teachers, dentists, accountants, students. Are we moving towards an era where the only "professions" will be golf pro / professional curler?

Old Man Rantings and Team Changes

Man I have been re-reading my last few blogs – I am starting to sound like one of the angry old guys that sits around Tim Horton’s all day nursing a small coffee and complaining about everything that he just read about in the newspaper that he has been hogging since his arrival.

I think I just need to get a hat, a Timmy’s gift card, some pants that I can wear high up on my waist (maybe an inch below my nipples) and I am all set for my retirement. Here is my random old guy Tim Horton’s rant:

“I remember when curling mattered! I remember when there were no young whipper-snappers that would turn down a Brier spot! We would have given our left nut to go to a Brier. There were thousands of teams that would try to get to the Brier every year. Thousands! Even in PEI. And we didn’t get paid. But we had fun! You would play three 10 end games with corn brooms per day, then peel the scabs off your hands and hit the hospitality suite until 5am! Those were the days. And the women weren’t wearing those flimsy yoga pants that they wear to curl today! They wore thick wool kilts – below the knees! You had to use your imagination back then! ”

Okay I am back. At least I know I will be ready in about 30 years.

***

Watched the World Women’s championship final Sunday night. Felt bad for Rachel Homan. We have all been there; a couple of ends where you just plain forget how to curl. I was just surprised to see it happen to Homan. She has been SO solid for so many games. It just took a couple of misses by the front end, and a couple of heavy draws and the wheels came off. It has hard watching them lose, and then have to give the pained interview to TSN right after, when it looked like they all just wanted to have a big team cry.

Okay – I have said it before and I am going to risk the wrath of all of the Homaniacs out there – but I will say it again: I HATE THE TICK!!! Homan’s problems started with Weagle missing ticks in 8 and 9. And she did not miss them by much. But when you miss them – you are in SHIT. They were only up 2 - with playing the 8^th end, and the 1 down in 9, and yet they still tried the TICK? I have no doubt Weagle could have drawn the 4, and brought the play into the rings. The tick is just asking for trouble.

By the way – Homan’s 2^nd – Allison Kreviazuk,is off the team, as she is moving to Sweden to be with her hunky Swedish curling boyfriend. They have replaced her with the headband chick from Val Sweeting’s team with the big arms (Joanne Courtney). Here is a pic of her:

Oh wait - wrong front end player with a headband and biceps. 



***
  

Big drama in the curling world, as some Canada’s best teams are already doing line-up changes.

• It looks like Team Howard, Team Martin, Team Koe and team Stoughton are all done. Kevin Koe is blowing up his team (or they are stepping aside, or whatever), and is apparently picking up Brett Laing from Howard’s team and  Kennedy and Hebert from Martin’s team.
• Mark Nicholls is moving back to Newfoundland, after realizing that Winnipeg is not the glamorous lifestyle destination that he had hoped for.  I expect him to be back on Team Gushue about 3 seconds after he gets off the ferry.

So what does next year look like: Mike McEwen, Kevin Koe 2.0, Brad Gushue with Nicholls, and some guy named Jacobs. The next big question is: where will Johnny Mo end up, will he stay in BC? Will Stoughton, Martin and Howard hang up their shoes or form new teams?   

In all this speculation, one of the big questions is what happens to the Team Canada spot at next year's Tim Horton's Brier? The CCA in its infinite wisdom has changed the Brier format to include a Team Canada men's team. But with Koe breaking up, Team Canada will be no more. So the spot goes to…John Morris, I guess (who finished 2^nd at the Brier)…assuming he stays in BC. If they break up, the Team Canada spot goes to…Stoughton ?(who finished 3^rd at the Brier)…oh wait – they have broken up too. Maybe Team Ménard as team Canada at the 2015 Brier?

If enough teams break up ahead of him, maybe Eddie Mackenzie can wear the Maple Leaf and avoid relegation!!!

It really makes you wonder why the CCA is bending over backwards and screwing the Atlantic Provinces with relegation, all to add a Team Canada to the Brier when Team Canada apparently does not even want the spot.

***

Last chance to sponsor me before Kurling for Kids this weekend!  You know you want to! Click here:

Sponsor Mike!!! 

Every dollar counts! It’s for the kids!

Seriously, so many people I know have had to rely on the Children’s hospitals in times of great need. These places do an awesome job, and they need our help. Be generous.


***

Oh- with all the excitement, I almost forgot to congratulate some friends who won the Quebec Mixed Title last week (which I accurately predicted!!!).  Tom Wharry, Amélie Blais, Mike Kenendy and MJ Fortier pulled off a bunch of wins after a slow start to win over Marty Ferland in the final. THey will represent Quebec at the Mixed Nationals in North Bay next fall.

I am seriously overjoyed for this team. Mikey K and Tom are definite candidates for the Nice Guy Hall of Fame. This team will represent Quebec well both on and off the ice. Nice guys do finish 1st sometimes.

Sitting Out the Mixed - and hoping for Laycock Wang

I miss the Mixed.

There, I said it. After winning the Mixed for the past two seasons, and having two extremely fun runs at Mixed Nationals, I am sitting out the Mixed this year. The season has been long and taxing on my family. My wife needed to carry a picture around of me in November to remember what I look like. My kids started telling their classmates that there Dad was overseas in the military (it made for a better story than “off Curling in Val d’Or”).

So I have decided to sit this one out. And I am glad that I did. The fact that it would have meant yet another 6+ hour drive to a provincial also made it a little easier to say no, as well as the fact that my men’s team will be happy to have me a bit more available next fall.

But I miss it.

The Mixed is awesome. I frankly do not understand why more curlers do not try to win the Mixed. It leads to an awesome National championship, the curling is competitive and the atmosphere is more social. And it’s real curling, unlike that bizarre mini-putt game that is Mixed Doubles (which is also going on this weekend in Ottawa).

The lack of participation has by no means made it easy to win, and this year’s Quebec field is as strong as I have seen, with a number of Brier reps and champions competing for the title.

My bold prediction for the week: Tom Wharry sneaks past the bigger names to earn a well-deserved trip to a National. 

Here is my Team pic, for Old Times sake. Sniff.

***

PAY UP!!!

Okay. You all have been reading my blog for free all year. And there are a lot of you! You all tell me how much you enjoy it. Well now it’s time to PAY UP!!! As a former boss of mine once said: “There is no such thing as a Free Lunch, and if there were it would be a taxable benefit anyway.”

On the 29^th of March, I will be curling in Kurling for Kids, a charity bonspiel held every year across Montreal curling clubs to benefit The Montreal Children’s Hospital and l’Hôpital Ste-Justine. This is a first class event, and for anyone who has ever had to take their children to either of these two fine hospitals knows, this is an extremely worthy cause.

My favorite part of the tournament every year is when Stan Fong (the uber-organizer of the event at Glenmore) weeps like a little girl while speaking at the dinner.

Seriously, this is a superbly run event that has raised over a quarter million last year. It is also a supremely fun and uplifting day. And this is way better way to spend money than to give it to the CCA!!!

 

CLICK HERE: 

Sponsor my Team!!!

So Sponsor me!!!! No amount is too small. $10, $50, $100!!! You can choose to support the event by buying raffle tickets (with some seriously awesome prizes) from me, either in person or on-line. But nobody I sell to ever wins – you are probably better off with an income tax receipt!!!

 

 ***

There are an endless stream of rumours about teams breaking up and new teams in the works in both men’s and women’s curling. The dust has not yet settled, but expect some big announcements in the week to come. I will not report on any of the rumours that I have heard. Instead I am going to make up teams that SHOULD exist, if only for our entertainment:

- Jonathan Mead will move to Quebec and play with me, BJ Neufeld and Jacques Dufresne on the All-Bald Toe-Tucking All Stars. Mert Thompset will be our honorary 5^th man, and we will accept an application from Johnny Stewart if he is willing to shave his remaining hair.

- Jamie Koe / Rob Ford / Justin Bieber and Paul Flemming on Team Drunken Bender. Team goals for the year will be to remember where they parked the car.

-  Me, Pauline Marois, PKP, and Bernard Drainville: Team Quebec – with a bye directly to the World Championship! No need to play in the Brier – we are a Nation! Probably the only way I will ever get to play in a World Championship. It will however be difficult for me to learn the proper French curling terminology. “Visez ma brosse avec un pésenteur bloc de départ”. Ah Tabernouche.

- On the women’s side: Anna Sidorova, Carmen Schaefer, Margarita Fomina (2^nd on Sidorova’s team) and the 3^rd from team Sweden, for no reason other than the team photo shoot.

- Laycock and Wang need to form a Mixed  Doubles team. I will say no more.

(ed note: please excuse the political reference in the blog. Please note that if you do want to talk politics - the chat section of my blog is NOT the place to do so.)