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Monday, January 9, 2012

Screw you curling. Rated PG-13 (language)

Parental Warning: This Blog may contain language considered inappropriate for sailors and young children. Reader discretion is advised.

Screw you Curling!!!
No seriously. Screw you. I practice, I play, I say nice things about you...and you pay me back with a season like the one that just ended? C’mon.
Well I say SCREW YOU! (My middle fingers on both hands are fully extended and directed at my computer screen).
For the second year in a row, my team went into the regionals as the top seed. And for the 2nd year in a row, we are not going to provincials. Not even close. We were just awful. I was awful. Well, maybe not awful, but just bad enough to lose three games and be knocked out in the C-Final.
Once again – with all due respect to the teams that beat us – we pretty much beat ourselves. It’s like we forgot how to win.
In our first loss, it was a goofy steal of two against Max Dufresne.
In our second loss, it was a steal of 3 to start the game against us, and then after a solid 5 ends, we gave up a retarded 4-banger in the 7th end to Kevin Golberg.
In our 3rd loss, we started by giving up an easy 4 (it should have been 5) in the 1st end to Steeve Gagnon.
So we are out. Very out. My competitive season ends unceremoniously on January 8th.

So I say again; screw you curling!
 I am done with you this year. You can kiss my badly-beaten 40 year-old-toe-tucking arse.
I used to say nice things about you – I used to defend you when people laughed at you. I used to say – “Curling is not as goofy as it looks – It’s actually fun and cool!”
When people laugh at you on TV   - I used to say “It’s really a great TV sport when you take the time to understand the game!”  Well no more. I will now join in those who mock you.  
When people say it is a sport for old people – I will nod in agreement.
When the assholes on Sports talk radio complain about the amount of curling coverage on TV – I will call in and agree with them. “More poker on TSN!” I will say.
At least for a little while.


Okay – enough bad news about me. How about some good news:
Felix Asselin, Marc-Alexandre Dion, Lewis South, and Sami Guimond-Jaber from Glenmore won the Quebec Junior provincials this weekend in Val d’Or.
This is a feel-good story: these are good kids. They play in the club. They are well-coached by Benoit Forget, who deserves a lot of the credit, both for their curling and their attitude.
Best of luck in Nappanee, Ontario at junior Nationals.

For those who have read my post from last week – these guys are a case study about how to integrate juniors into a curling club. Felix and Sami play front end in the Glenmore A-ladder for Lawren Steventon (who I believe went to a Brier 30 or 40 years ago). They play good games, and learn some curling smarts from an able veteran and learn some maturity in the process.  

The Skins game was on TSN this weekend. I only caught bits and pieces (was busy losing, as described earlier) - but from what I saw it was good TV. Koe made an “easy” triple take-out TV shot to win. Also - I have to say I got a bit of sick pleasure watching Glenn Howard play as badly as I did this weekend.
Rumour has it they are changing the format next year, with fan voting to select an all-star team to play. I say thank God – this event needs some fresh ideas.
Oh - 1 more thing. I know Casino Rama is a nice sponsor – but I got a little sick of the commercial with all the people with their arms up in the air supposedly celebrating their casino winning.
Seems to me they need to do a commercial with a bunch of people with their empty pockets hanging out to show both sides: (sadly, this is also the way we look in our team picture this year)

That and they kept showing the add for the Slide-and-Serve Meatloaf tray. I have enjoyed my mother's and wife's meatloaf out of a conventional pan my entire life (and have never once seen anything as disgusting looking as the meatloaf you see at the beginning of this video) and - yet I must have one. Damn you marketers!
Watch the commercial here: and it comes with a free slice-and serve knife!!!


  1. I guess season 3 starts for Mike the Curling guy, will it be a blow up and rebuild?

    Congrats to team Asselin, I had the pleasure to watch them at the Keiths spiel

  2. You forgot all about those Eggies. I would pay 14.95 to never see that advert again!

  3. the boys played over 80% in every game during the provs. awesome job.