Stupid Questions About Curling from non-Curlers

I seem to be getting a lot of people asking me about curling lately - but remarkably few people seem to know much about the sport at all.
I thought I would share with you curlers a compendium of the stupid questions that non-curlers ask about the sport - and for you my readers I will provide some excellent stock answers when confronted with baffling ignorance of our fine sport. Please feel free to add to my list in the comments section below.

Top stupid question about curling from non-curlers:

1. Are you the thrower or the sweeper?

I am the sweeping guy. Someday I would like to try to throw the rock, but you have have to be advanced to do that. I find the sport is way more fun when you don't get to throw.

2. Why do you guys yell so much?

Well, we don't really like each other very much. Yelling is our way of abusing people without leaving physical evidence.

3. Is it like bowling?

Yes, it is exactly like bowling. We rent shoes. We wear polyester clothes. When we make three shots in a row, a giant dancing chicken appears on a screen above the ice. The movie Kingpin is exactly what the pro curling tour is like, except with no Amish people.

4. What does the brooming do?

Well to be honest, not much. Its really what the other players do to keep warm while someone else is throwing the rock. And it looks kinda cool.

5. How do you keep score? How much is it worth when you put one in the middle.

It is the same scoring as in darts. The middle is worth 50 points, but only if the rock is all the way into the middle circle, otherwise its 25.

6. I thought curling was for old people - are there young people that play?

Well no. The Canadian Olympic Team's average age was 74 in Vancouver. On the plus side,being in a curling club is a good way to ask around and figure out which old age home I want to be committed to later on. Always think ahead! Plus I like GMILFs, and the smell of Ben Gay turns me on!

7. Isn't curling just an excuse to drink beer?

ok- maybe that one is not such a stupid question.


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So far - I am not doing that badly on my New Year's resolutions:

- Have not banged my broom yet
- Have not made sexist remarks about women's curling
- Have thrown a quarry's worth of practice rocks
- Have not made fun of Tom's sweeping (at least not out loud)
- Am still contemplating how to make curling bigger in Montreal

However, I did leave the curling club at 1:30ish after my club game. That one will be hard to keep.
5 out of 6 ain't bad.

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Not much curling to update since my last blog - playdowns start this weekend (we actually have seen the draw!) http://www.arcm.ca/.

Junior provincials are underway and both my picks (Rutledge in the women's and Stewart in the men's) are in the a-final! I rock.  www.curling-quebec.com/junior/