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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Screw you Charlevoix

My dear John letter to Charlevoix

Dear Charlevoix;


Why do you hate me so?
I speak nicely of you every season. I tell people how great your tournament is. I tell people how much fun I have at the Manoir, at the Casino, at the pool. I have spent my last 7 birthdays at this tournament.
And yet every year - I lose! And I lose again. Charlevoix is like a bad slot machine for me; every year I keep pumping money in- and it never pays. Charlevoix is like the hot chick that you buy drinks for all night, only to see her go off with another guy at closing time.

Here are some highlights from my Charlevoix curling career:

- lost a mixed provincial final
- lost the circuit final about 10 years ago in a game that still causes me to occasioanlly wake up at night screaming
- lost 3 qualifiers in a row about 4 years ago.
- record over the last 3 years: 1-9
- lost a game to Agnes Charette that lasted 4 hours to play 8 ends.
- I don't think I have ever driven home from Charlevoix without a hangover
- The one year I did not go (for work reasons), my team went without me and went 0-3.
- I have only come out of the casino once with more money than I entered with, and I honestly was too drunk to remember winning.
I struggle to think of one positive on-ice curling memory from Charlevoix.
Every year - I figure this will be the year to break the streak, this year Charlevoix will pay off. But NO. Another 1-3, out by friday performance.

I take this vow to you now loyal readers:
Next year I will not play in Charlevoix with a competitive team.

I don't care if I have to take my team to Saskatoon instead. I will not play Charlevoix competitively.
I don't care if I have to play the Yellowknife polar bear spiel instead. I will not play Charlevoix competitively.
SCREW YOU CHARLEVOIX. I don't care if I have to play Charlevoix in the open with three homeless people I pick up at the Berri Metro on my way to Charlevoix. I will not play Charlevoix competitively.
Charlevoix - I will not waste my expectations on you again!!!

Well Charlevoix, despite my anger at how you treat me, I must admit that you have provided me with some entertaining stories over the years. And this year was no exception:

- Got to drink with the guys from Nova Scotia - who are all hilarious. Ian Fitzner Leblanc, Paul Flemming: pure entertainment. From listening to them try to converse in French, to watching Flemming trying to do a magic trick at 3AM, these guys are funny.

- The band is awesome! (in a horrible, lyric-mangling way). I very much enjoyed their altered versions of some classic tunes, especially Pucker Face by Lady Gaga.

- If you run into my illustrious third, ask him what his new nickname is. Or you can ask Veronique Gregoire, who was nice enough to drive us home friday night from the party. Tom definitely left his mark in Charlevoix this year (in at least 2 parking lots on the way back to the hotel).

- We got to play the hottest team in Canada - Mike McEwen. I have to say - of all the big teams I have played - these are by far the nicest guys I have played against. They are cool - funny and very accessible. And very, very good. I think they eventually won the tournament. We can only hope that they come back to Charlevoix. (although I will not be there - I will be playing in the Iqualuit Turkey Spiel instead, as per my vow)

So thanks for the memories Charlevoix, but we are over.
We have had some good times, but I just can't do it anymore.
I will still speak fondly of you, but we were just not meant to be.
It's me, not you.
Maybe we can still be friends.

Love,

Mike

PS. I will update soon on other stuff going on in the curling world. Just needed to get that off my chest.

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