With all the skill and practice and strategy involved in curling, sometimes the difference between winning and losing is just a lucky (or unlucky break). With that in mind....
Dear Curling Gods;
I am writing you in advance of some competitions that I have coming up in the next few weeks and months. I realise that I might have said some nasty things about you, and I might have used some inappropriate and blasphemous language when referring to you over the past year or so, thus I wanted to take this opportunity to clear the air before I head off to the Mixed National Curling Championships in Ottawa next week (for those wishing to follow online, results can be found at curling.ca. . The action starts this Saturday evening)
I know you and I have not always gotten along. I seem to remember a random flat spot on an open draw a few years back that cost me a few thousand pesos, and some ever so random bad breaks that have plagued me on numerous occasions. But let’s put that behind us and start again.
I am sure you are busy concocting cruel twists of fortune for the teams at the Olympic Trials coming up, so I would ask that you watch over my humble team at the Mixed. They are good guys (and gals). Jo and Alanna are far too young to have earned your wrath. Alanna even manages a curling club. Kennedy is a poster boy for sportsmanship.
In return for your favour (or at least a fair treatment), I pledge to teach the old ways of curling to the youth; I will teach them the unwritten, often forgotten rules of the game over which You reign:
- This is a social game! Play hard to win, but have fun while doing it.
- Even though this is an Olympic Sport, it’s still a silly game where you slide rocks on ice while sweeping and yelling. Stay humble.
- Play hard when on the ice, then party with the opposition either way.
- Always start and end every game with a sincere and firm handshake with eye contact.
- Enjoy every moment at a National, you never know when your next one will be.
- Always respect your opposition. Always respect the game.
- Complement your opponent when they make a great shot (then make a better one!)
- You should apologize to your opposition when you are the benefactor of the largesse of the Gods. You should definitely not celebrate a lucky break.
- Frequent hi-fiving has no place in this sport.
- Going to bed early is over-rated. Lots of fun things can happen after midnight.
Great and Powerful Curling Gods – Hear my Prayer! I would offer to sacrifice a virgin in Your honor, but I am not likely to find one at a Mixed Nationals. I would offer to burn a broom, but carbon-fiber composites don’t burn like a good old straw broom. I would offer my firstborn, but I have grown kinda fond of him. Maybe we can sacrifice a chicken at some point during the week (maybe we could go for St-Hubert BBQ chicken), we will surely raise a glass in your honour at some point.
Thanks for your consideration,
Your humble servant
PS – Not to be a tattletale, but I heard Balsdon talking shit about You at the Trials.