Letters from the Mixed

After a great week of curling at the Mixed Nationals, I need to take care of some correspondence.

Dear Boss;

Thanks again for letting me have a week off of work during our busiest period of the year. Your largesse allowed me to play in the Mixed National Championships in my home town. It was a truly great week.

And thanks again for your understanding when you found me asleep at my computer on Monday morning. I guess the cumulative fatigue from the week took its toll. Also, thanks for understanding that the time I was actually awake on Monday I spent mostly lost thinking about the week past, and sending and accepting new friend requests on Facebook. I will try to make it up next week.

Oh, and thanks for not saying anything about the rye-soaked Balsdon shirt I wore to work on Monday. I realize it was slightly unprofessional for an office environment, but it just felt right. To be honest – it was probably not just the shirt that smelled like rye; I believe rye was still coming out from my pores.

And as for the incriminating pictures of me circulating on the internet, firstly it was not me, and secondly rest assured that few if any of our clients will likely ever stumble across them.

And finally, I just wanted to let you know that I will likely be away for a week in January, and hopefully another in early March.  Oh, and thanks for all those Fridays I took off in Sept-Nov.

Your sincerely and please don’t fire me;

Mike

***

Dear Wife;

Thanks again for taking care of our three young kids while I was playing in the Mixed National Championships a mere 30 minutes from our house. It was a great experience, full of fantastic memories.

Thanks again for showing up to cheer me on! Even though the kids watched all of 30 seconds of curling, it was fun having them around when I got off of the ice.

About the incriminating pictures of me on the internet; firstly, I swear it was not me, and secondly I was merely administering the Heimlich maneuver to a troubled lady who was possibly choking on some ice from her drink.  Really.

Oh, and thanks for also taking care of everything during the other  6 weekends that I was away prior to the Mixed. And by the way, I am hoping to be away 3 more days for Men’s regionals, 7 more days for provincials and if all goes well, 10 more days for the Brier in early March. I am sure my remaining 2 vacation days will allow us to have a spectacular long weekend at some point this summer.

Oh, and thanks for understanding that I spent a lot of our Christmas-gift budget last week. I hope you will enjoy the Balsdon shirt that I got for you, and no, I don’t know what that stain is on the back of it.

Yours sincerely and please don’t divorce me,

Mike

***

Dear Mister Marsan (Client Services Manager at Ruby Foo’s Hotel):

I am writing to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated November 29^th 2012 regarding incidental damage charges that you will be applying to my credit card, relating to our stay at your hotel during the week of November 17^th, 2012.

I would first of all like to apologize for any damage our activities might have caused to your hotel. However, I would claim that the unfortunate stains on the hallway carpet were in fact there before our stay, and are not due to the events of last Saturday night following our closing banquet.

Furthermore, while I will stipulate that a considerable amount of beer, rye, tequila and Clementines were likely found on the carpet and linen in our room, reasonable efforts were made to clean said spillage, notably with a Balsdon shirt. As for the nail polish stains, and the discarded, badly soiled one-piece muppet pyjamas,  I have no idea how these items ended up where they did.

Finally, I would of course be willing to help defray the trauma therapy costs for the member of your cleaning staff who found me lying naked the next morning next to the aforementioned stains. While I thought her reaction was a bit extreme, it was nonetheless an unfortunate incident, and will gladly help pay to help wash that image out of her memories.

Yours sincerely, and please invoice the Canadian Curling Association directly for all charges,

Greg Balsdon, Team Ontario

 ***

Seriously, the Mixed was a great week - one of the most fun I have ever had curling. We played very well. We met a pile of great people, and were spoiled by the support of our home town fans. If you wanted to summarize everything that is great about curling, the Mixed pretty much has it all: shot-making, drama, fun and lots of sportsmanship.

I would tell a few stories, but the Mixed is kinda like Vegas. (what happens  at the Mixed, stays at the Mixed, including James Grattan in a onesie).