We want to Pump *clap* you Up!!!!

Okay. I just saw the latest commercial from the CCA for the Continental Cup of Curling (a made for TV even that features a bunch of Canadians playing a bunch of foreigners for some cash and a trophy). It shows curlers pumping iron in some gym - cleverly portrayed as curling rocks. Here is a link to it:

CCA Ad 

I am happy that curling has evolved from the perception that it is a sport for flabby old people. Having Ed Werenich as your poster boy admittedly did not make for a positive, healthy image for the game.
But have we gone a bit crazy with this? The Olympics became a homage to tight shirts and bulging biceps. If I heard another commentator say “The Jacobs rink is changing the face of curling” I was going to throw a dumbbell through my flat screen.  

The message we now seem to be sending is:  “I need to have huge pipes and make squinty faces after sweeping to be really good at this game.” And then there are the calendars. Shirtless curling hunks showing off their six packs (and I don't mean beers).

I love curling, and I work really hard to get better at it. But do I really need to look like Hans and Franz to play this game at a competitive level?

 

 I am going to say something that might seem like heresy these days, but here goes:
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE THE AFTER PICTURE IN A BOWFLEX COMMERCIAL TO CURL COMPETITIVELY.
I have played with and against a ton of competitive players, and some of the best sweepers I have seen are relatively thin – relatively un-muscular guys. I am in no way saying that you do not have to be in shape to curl competitively (Cardio is essential for sweeping), but I am definitely saying that you do not have to look like a commercial for protein shakes to get the rock down the ice effectively. Savill and Laing, Sylvain and Elmalah. All are spectacular front ends, and are all in great shape. But none of them look like they need to turn sideways to get through a door.    

I think we can safely say that we have evolved the perception of curling from a drinking sport for old flabby people.  But has this perception change come with an increase in participation? I don’t think so. The sport used to popular because of the characters that played. I grew up watching Russ Howard, Ed Werenich, Kevin Martin, Pat Ryan, Hackner and Lang. The personalities sold the game. And they looked like cool everyday guys. The sport looked accessible. It made you want to go to the club and try. It looked fun.

Now we portray our top teams as uber athletes who would turn up their nose at a beer or an order of fries. We have made curling look like going to the gym!

And I really hate going to the gym. I hate everything about it:

• I hate the smug look of the muscular dudes who make squinty constipated faces as they work out.
• I hate the fact that I usually end up going alone to the gym.
• I hate having to spray down the machines with disinfectant after I sweat all over it.
• I hate getting onto a machine that some sweaty dude did not spray down after he used it.
• I hate watching the shared TV with some other doofus who wants to watch CNN.
• I hate having some 20 year old nutrition major try to sell me protein shakes or vitamin supplements.

I curl, and play soccer, and play golf, and play tennis and play whatever game I can find because I infinitely prefer playing any game to stay in shape rather than going to the f?%$%?$ gym.

So can we relax a bit on the recent fitness obsession in our curling promotion? I promise do my part. After every game I will repeatedly lift 12 ounce-liquid filled weights from the table to my lips. I might even make a squinty face while doing it.

Competitive preview:

So what is happening in Quebec Men’s Curling this year? Lots of changes. Here is your primer of the top teams. (They are listed in order of how they are seeded at the upcoming Quebec Curling Tour.)

Jean-Michel “Outturn” Ménard:  Quebec’s top team is back, and looking particularly fierce already. They won the Mac Ice spiel last weekend in Ottawa, and look ready to take on the best teams. Imagine how good they could be if they could throw an In-turn, or if Phil Ménard was in shape!!

Martin “Ferly” Ferland: Martin has taken over Phil Lemay’s team from last year. They have new jackets that look like the 80’s Houston Astros shirts, and seem ready to kick ass. They have looked thoroughly shitty so far this year, but will surely be tough to beat once they gel. And you do not want to get down to this team, as their peel weight makes you want to stand on the backboards.

Un bloque et 3 bleuets: My team is back for another kick at the can. We spent months in a Bhuddist monastery, learning meditation and balance. We went to Harvard to study probability theory and risk analysis. We went to Vegas to work on our gambling and our nerves. We are ready.

Robert Desjardins: Bob has once again had a busy off-season, switching his team around once again. He has kept Fred Lawton, and picked up a couple of youthful looking seniors to play; Louis Biron and Mo Caillouette. To quote Forrest Gump “This team will be like a box of chocolates”. Bob will pull out some tasty wins, but sometimes they will get stuck with a dried-up chunk of tasteless goop.  

Steeve Gagnon. The Steve with an extra “E” is always one of the toughest teams to play against. They grind and fight and never make it easy. Not sure how they will work now that they got rid of their lone Anglophone (Mike has gone back to his home planet).

Ghislain Richard. This is a new and solid team. Max Elmalah has put together this squad with part of William Dion’s former junior champion team. They will be tough to beat, especially when they bring out super-spare Francois Roberge!

Everybody else:  A few promising new teams, but will have to do a lot of hard work to catch up to the top teams.

btw I will talk about woman's curling some other time, when I figure out who is playing with who.

What is coming up?

The big cash season kicks off next week with the Challenge Chateau Cartier in Gatineau. This is one of the biggest spiels in Eastern Canada, and features a star-studded international line-up. My first game is against none other than David Murdoch, the Olympic Silver Medalist from Scotland! I plan on painting half my face blue – wearing a kilt and yelling “FREEEEEEEDOOMMMM” before the game. Cue the bagpipes.

 

An Ode to Fall

Some people complain about the end of the summer. Some gripe when the nights gets chilly, when the leaves turn yellow. But not I.

Some look mournfully towards a sky full of southward-flying geese. Some grumble about the leaves they need to rake, the windows they need to seal or the winter tires they need to install. But not I.

Some lament the period before Christmas, when the frigid winds howl, when the golf courses cover their greens with hay and tarps. But not I.

Some regret having to defer shorts and t-shirts and flip flops to the back of the closet, while digging for gloves and scarves and boots. But not I.

Cause its CURLING SEASON BABY!!!

I love this time of year. 

I love rustling through a pile of dried up leaves on the sidewalk. 

I love when women put on leather boots and scarves. 

I love when TSN2 starts running old Brier games to fill content. 

I love sorting through my curling bag, unopened since the spring and sifting through my musty-smelling curling shirts.   

I love walking onto the fresh air of the curling ice, and seeing the freshly-painted rings. 

And I love talking about curling again, after a good five months of barely thinking about it. With anyone who will listen.

BRING. IT. ON.

I don’t love seeing that I forgot to pay off my bar tab from the end of last year.

My season kicks off this weekend at Glenmore at the Equinox Open, and annual event that has served as the kickoff to many a curling season. It is a good chance to shake off the rust and get some good games in on good ice.

We are starting late this year again, I feel that we are already behind some of the other competitive teams. But nobody wins the province in September, and the curling of meaning is still many months away. For me the road to the Brier begins alone on a sheet of practice ice. 

SOME NEWS:

It’s been a long time since my last blog, so here is a pile of updates and news that you need to know:

I Can No Longer Bitch About Curling Quebec:

As many of my loyal readers surely know, Curling Quebec has often been a target of my griping and ranting over the past few years. Well I can gripe no more…if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!

Yes I have joined the Dark Side. Not sure why I feel like Anakin Skywalker being lured by seductive power of the Empire (that was for you fellow Star Wars nerds out there), but I have been elected to the Board of Directors of Curling Quebec (yes there was an actual election!).

Now that I am a DIRECTOR, I now posses power over all things curling. I am now expecting free beer, an entourage of minions and some fanfare every time I enter a Curling Club. Worship Me Mortals!!!  

Some other big changes at Curling Quebec over the summer. Marco Ferraro has left the building. The embattled former Head of Curling Quebec stepped aside in early September, and was immediately replaced by Marc-André Robitaille (his friends call him Marco!). Marco is a great guy, and has been Director of competitions for a year. He brings some level-headed stability to the role that was somewhat needed at this stage.

So Goodbye Marco Ferraro! I will resist the temptation to speak ill of the departed. Suffice it to say that Marco always governed CQ with purpose and passion. Unfortunately his passion sometimes got in the way of building positive relationships with the curling community, but I do believe that his heart was always in the right place. Let us see what his replacement can do!

Marco Robitaille has been replaced by none other than Alanna Routledge as the new Director of Competitions. Alanna is of course most famous for playing 3^rd for me at mixed Nationals, which of course means she is experienced at dealing with stupidity. This should serve her well!

My Men’s Team has an Awesome New Sponsor:

We have joined Team Hardline, and will be sweeping with IcePads this winter. We are excited to get some support from a great bunch of guys, and hoping that the magic sticks they will give us will make my excellent-sweeping front end even more proficient at dragging my draws to the right spot.

So the guys from Hardline will be on Dragon’s Den (the Canadian show where a bunch of rich investors audition potential companies upon which to heap cash in return for a piece of their company). I have no idea how it will turn out (the show was taped in the Spring, but the boys have been sworn to secrecy until the episode airs). However, since taping the show, Stan and Archie have been spending money like the guy who just won the half-and-half at the Brier! 

They have signed on Reid Caruthers and Mike McEwen, two of the biggest names on the Tour to play with their equipment, and seem to have really stepped up their marketing. Anxious to see what is next!

The CCA is Caving (a bit) on Relegation:

The Mixed and Senior championships will no longer feature the horrible idea that is relegation. They will now adopt the same format that the juniors use. It would take me a page to explain it, but it means that everybody who gets invited to their National Championship gets to play – so I like it. 

I like to credit my blog for having solved this one! It remains to be seen how this will play out at the Brier and the Scotties, which will both have their first ever relegation tournaments this year.

RIP Bruce Lerner:

The Curling World lost a friend this summer with the passing of Bruce Lerner, long-time Montreal-area curler. I was out of town when it happened, but I think it would be appropriate for us all to raise a glass next time we are in a curling club, and remember.

Applying for a Job: Skip of Team Canada!

So Kevin Koe managed to lose his last three games at the World Championship, getting pretty soundly beaten each time by some solid European squads. So they return home from Beijing without a medal.

I have seen the CCA site trying to put a positive spin on this by saying we are the only country to have finished in the top 6 in every world event. Really? This is sad.

I know they will not admit it, but surely the fact that they had already publicly parted ways before the final clearly had an impact on their performance. They looked drained from the week, from the season and from the past three years. As I mentioned last week, the pace required to play at an elite level is now somewhat grueling, and it showed.

Apparently, the 3 guys left on the team after Koe forms his new team (Simmons, Rycroft and Thiessen) are planning on sticking together, renting a skip and playing 3 or 4 events next year, including the Brier. Wow. Quite the Team Canada! I am sure this is exactly what the CCA had in mind when it hatched up relegation and the Team Canada spot.

But anyway – here is my quick note to Nolan, Carter and Pat:

Hi Guys:

I hear you guys are in need of a skip for next year at the Brier, the Canada Cup and whatever other free events that you can get into! Please allow me to offer up my services as your new skip. I have attached my CV, as well as letters of reference from my Mixed team, as well as a guy I won the Lachine Curling Club Turkeyspiel with 11 years ago. I have also attached a Team Pic - just to show you guys how good we would look together!

Pretty schnazzy!

I am not a bad curler, and I can bring to the team the level of hairlessness to which you have grown accustomed from your skip. While I do not have the pedigree (pun intended) of a Kevin Martin, or the stylish hair of a Jeff Stoughton, I can definitely add some “je-ne-sais-quoi” to your team.  Plus I look good in red!

 I mean who are your other choices?

Kevin Martin? C’mon, he is a has-been. You might as well pick up Randy Ferbey!  Did you see that in-turn hit he dumped against Morris in the Trials? Rachel Homan peels better.

Stoughton? Bah. His inturn looked more like he was throwing a Frisbee at the beach at the Brier this year!

Morris? He is taking the year off to go to fireman school! (where you apparently learn how to pump iron and pick up women from your fire truck)

Howard? He is starting his new career as a TV actor! Way too busy to curl.

Brock Virtue? I hear he is in anger management for a year.

Brad Jacobs? You guys are not beefy enough to lure him away from his current monstrous team. (although Nolan is pretty big)

 And everyone else is busy!

So that leaves ... me!!! C’mon – it will be fun!

Sincerely,

Mike Fournier

 ***

Look Mom – I am a celebrity!!!

I have been invited to play in the Kurl 4 Kids celebrity bonspiel next weekend in Oakville! Unlike the Montreal event, the Toronto edition is kind of a celebrity pro-am, where fundraisers get to play with celebrity skips after having raised piles of money for local children’s hospitals (as well as the Sandra Schmirler foundation).

And guess what, I am a CELEBRITY SKIP! Wow! I have made it! (I knew that guy following me to McDonalds yesterday was a member of the paparazzi, not a homeless guy looking for a cheeseburger). I can promise you all that now that I have become a famous celebrity, I will not forget all the little people who helped me make it. Does this mean I will be recognized when I go to Walmart? Will I have to start wearing giant bug-eye sunglasses in public? Oh, the high price of fame!

Seriously, I am thrilled and honored to be invited, and always happy to donate my time to help out a good cause.

I have looked at a list of some of the other celebrity skips, (including Jamie Koe and Jamie Korab) and I am very worried that the weekend will likely be as much about liver damage as curling. Ah the sacrifices we make.

So if you FORGOT or were uninspired to donate to my Montreal Kurling for Kids team two weeks ago, you can make up for it now by donating by clicking on the link below. The money raised will go to the Sandra Schmirler foundation whose mission is to help fund Neo-Natal Intensive Care in Canada. Having spent 6 weeks in a Neo-Natal care unit with my son when he was born, I can tell you that this is a cause that is dear to my heart as well, so give generously!

https://www.gifttool.com/donations/Donate?ID=2075&AID=3193

Thanks!

What the Olympics have done to Competitive Curling – Part Deux

What the heck is going on? Where is everyone going?

Somewhat shocking news in the curling world this week:  Johnny Mo, after finishing as bridesmaid at the Brier and at the Olympic Curling Trials has decided to hang up his curling shoes (for a season at least), in order to focus on his firefighting skills.  

This after Alison Kveviazuk (the 2^nd on Rachel Homan’s team packed it up and moved to Sweden). And after it has become known that Carter Rycroft and Nolan Thiessen will take some time off from the game to focus on business, family or whatever.

No word on what Stoughton, Martin or Howard will be up to next year, with their teams having disappeared beneath them.

Why all the changes? Why all of the retirements?

A lot of change was to be expected in the season following the Olympic Trials. But this seems a bit crazy.

      Why are people quitting, or at least taking a sabbatical? Quick answer: because competitive curling has become insane. While only a few teams can make a living at curling alone, (and few even try), the competitive curling season has become such that no reasonable person with a job or a family can possibly keep up with it on an ongoing basis. Imagine you are a top notch Canadian curler. With a wife and kids... And a decent job. Here is the requirement of your curling commitment (in a non-Olympic Year):       

• One week off for provincials
• One week  off for Brier
•  4 Grand Slams, travel on Wed = 12 days (or 2.5 weeks off)
•  8-12 other spiels = 2 days off each = 10 days off

Total: 6-7 weeks of vacation required to curl

Then you need to practice. Pretty much every day you are not curling in a spiel, you should be throwing – let’s say 1 hour per day.
Then you need to be physically fit. You need to be at the gym at least a few times per week – likely more if you are front ender.

This does not leave a lot of time for family, actually working at your job, friends outside of curling.

Here is the rub: you can do all of this for 3-4 years, and still get nothing out of it, because someone has to finish in 2^nd place (and 3^rd, and 4^th).

So we have created a curling season aimed at producing the best curlers to compete internationally, but have we also created a curling schedule that almost seems designed to burn out the best curlers? I guess the guys who are taking time off will likely come back to the game once they have recharged their batteries, but watching Koe this week at the worlds it almost seems like they are on automatic pilot. They look tired. They look drained. They look frustrated when things do not go their way – not sure they will win. I hope they do. These guys are insanely good, but when you look at how much they have curled, you have to wonder how much more can they take?

Was it an accident that the team that represented Canada at the Olympics was really the last team at the party...the last team to earn their spot at the Trials (and maybe the least burnt out?)

Questions for discussion (and I am not saying I know the answer):

Are we burning out our top curling teams?

Is this the best way to develop the game, and to develop curling in general?

Has competitive curling become inaccessible to all but a few "professional" curlers who make the choice to devote their lives to the game?

I am certain that team changes and people stepping back will always be part of curling, but this year in particular seems to highlight some of the flaws inherent in our way of thinking about how to manage competitive curling.
There will always be some players/teams that have the time/lifestyle/sponsorship to go all-in for some period of time, and I definitely think they deserve to reap the rewards from this sacrifice.

I can tell you that I have gone hard for a couple of years...and it is crazy. It is tough on the family, it is tough on the career - and I play a schedule that is roughly half as demanding as what the top teams will play. I can't imagine how I could keep my life going if I did decide to play a schedule comparable to the top 5-6 teams. 

I always used to love the fact that you would watch the Brier, and the players would all have a "profession" outside of the game. There were mailmen, firefighters, teachers, dentists, accountants, students. Are we moving towards an era where the only "professions" will be golf pro / professional curler?