My Astrologer picks JM - and no more curling on the CBC

First of all - yes I am bitter. I wanted to be at provincials this year, but as many know - we managed to throw up on ourselves in our regional playdown. So I get to stay home on watch provincials on the internet. Grrr.

On the bright side, my extremely pregnant wife is somewhat grateful that I will not be a 5-hour drive away from home in case our 2034 Scotties champion arrives a few days ahead of her expected date. Let's just say that the C-Section that I will be watching will not be one that happens after you lose in the B.

But I will make some predictions. I have consulted experts in Las Vegas, I have called the psychic hotline, I have consulted an astrologer, and I have gazed into a crystal ball. I have come down from the mountaintop - and I will share this knowledge with you. So here are the teams and their odds of winning.

1. JM Ménard:  (2-1)

Once again, JM is the odds-on favorite to win. They won a lot this year. They won in Gatineau. They won at Glenmore. They won in Ottawa. they played well at the Slam. They were far and away the best team in Quebec this year. If they do not win, it will be an upset. But, as we found out last season, the finals come down to one game. The astrologer I consulted said:
"With the moon and Jupiter in alignment with Aquarius, Your energies will be  high this week and anything you set out to do will have successful end results." I guess this means they will either be going to the Brier, or they are all going to score at the Eclipse (the Montagnais hotel bar) during the week. My bet is the Brier.

2. Marty "Ferly" Ferland: (5-1)

Marty has been on the edge for a few years now. He probably should have gone 2 years ago, and then had a disastrous 3-6 finish in last year's provincials. I believe this is the only team at provincials that has remained unchanged from last year. I predict a good showing for these guys - but they need to start well. This team is driven by emotion - for better or for worse. If things start well - they will destroy a lot of teams - if they start badly, they will destroy a lot of brooms and scoreboards.

3. Serge "the Surgeon" Reid (6-1)

I believe I am on a personal 35-game losing streak against this team. I never want to play these guys again.
Serge was a Cinderella story at Provincials a few years ago, and has played well ever since. Sadly, they have lost Pierre Charette and his giant brain for provincials - who is unavailable due to his commitments to the Grand Slam. I don't expect them to be in the finals - but whenever I count these guys out, they kick ass and prove me wrong.

4. Robert "Magic Bob" Desjardins (10-1)

Bob can do it all. He can make every shot. He can walk on his hands. He can play tennis. But can he take this team to the Brier? I don't think so. But maybe now that Bob has broken the ice and gone to the Brier, perhaps his home-made Sugis have a little more magic left in them.

5. Simon "Nicotine" Dupuis: (10-1)

This team certainly has a lot of experience. And by that I mean that they are old. Very old. Their front end is over 100 years old. This experience and stability will surely help the frequently unstable Simon Dupuis, who looks like he should have a cigarette pack health warning printed on his jacket.


6. Phil Lemay: (10-1)

This team is the extreme opposite of Simon Dupuis. They are young. I won't do the math, but I am guessing that they are less than half the combined age as Simon's team. With youth comes talent, endurance, and a lack of experience and poise. Phil certainly has the tools, and his team is not short of talent. These guys will win some games they are expected to lose, and will lose some games they are expected to win.


7. Steeve Gagnon:  (10-1)

I am especially angry at these guys, given that they knocked us out at regionals.
Steeve is a seriously under-rated skip in Quebec. He has skipped at the Brier, and its easy to see why. He is calm, and rarely seems unnerved. I am going to pick these guys to be a surprise this week...they will not win it all but will be playing well into the weekend.


8. Francois Gagné: (12-1)

I know these guys guys are the defending champs (although they have lost Magic Bob at 3rd), but they have had a season almost as brutal as mine...but managed to sneak through Montreal playdowns on their last life. I can't see them doing very well this weekend, but whop really predicted them winning last year?

9. Fred Marchand:  (15-1)

This team is sponsored by a mattress company, and they will likely lay down pretty early.

10. Simon Hebert: (20-1)

Simon is magic in the mixed, having won three times in a row. Unfortunately for him, this is not the mixed. My astrologer predicts an early exit for the boys from far away.

11. Kevin Golberg  (30-1)

A blast from the past...Kevin is a grizzled veteran that many younger curlers have never even heard of. However, he has not played much lately. As a matter of fact, he told me he hadn't played more than 10 games all season. Unfortunately, he told me this as they were kicking my ass at regionals. Thanks Kevin.
These guys will likely only be competing to not be the first team eliminated.


12. Pierre Gervais (25-1)

Pierre has moments. This will likely not be one of them. Another team that will be sleeping in their own beds by the weekend.


So who will win? The last 2 years have been upsets - but this year the favorite will prevail.
JM at the Brier - you read it here first.

***


No Curling on the CBC

This week, the CBC surprised the curling world by pulling out of their commitment to show the Grand Slams on the CBC, leaving the tour scrambling to find a replacement TV deal.

Why did they pull out? Not sure- but apparently it is over some financial issues with the company representing the Grand Slams.

Either way - we will not likely see the Martin-Stoughton or McEwan-Howard final.

My question is this:
Have the Grand Slams jumped the shark? Have we seen enough of these? Do we need more curling?

We have the Brier. We have the Olympics. We have the Canada Cup. We have the skins game. We have the World Championships. We have the Scotties. We have the (yawn) Continental Cup. We have the Junior Championships.
Is it possible that we now have too much of a good thing? Do we need to see more curling on TV?

Honestly, I am as big a curling fan as there is - and you cannot pry me away from my TV during the Brier, but to be honest - I can take or leave the Slams. I get the impression that the only people really disappointed by the CBC's decision are the players.
Maybe - there should be only one big televised tour event - like the Tour Championship - instead of the 4 Grand Slam spiels.

Surely the Tour will scramble and find another network (likely Sportsnet) to pick up the coverage where the CBC has left off, but maybe its time to re-think how-much curling we need to have on TV.

Continetal Cup of Boredom and Politically Incorrect Quebec Women's Preview

So I was trying to watch the Continental Cup this weekend. For the uninitiated, the Continental Cup is a manufactured travesty of an event that features the “best” teams in North America versus the Best teams from the rest of the World, in a Ryder Cup kind of format.

Can I be politically incorrect and say that this event truly sucks?

Mixed doubles? Come on. Apart from the entertainment value of watching a Scotsman with a full nasty accent trying to communicate with a Chinese girl (best sweeping call ever: “Hard Wang!”), and watching Wayne Middaugh chase after his own rock down the ice to sweep it, the weekend offered little drama. I have watched more entertaining club games.

I am a big Ryder Cup fan in golf. This is not the Ryder Cup. It has the feel of a mixed open friendly. The crowd shots seem to show a rather empty arena – and the endless camera shots of the teams on the bench cheering got lame in a hurry. While there are a few bucks on the line, everybody just seems like they are there to have fun. It makes for painful TV. By the end of the weekend, I really did not care who won.

No Drinking?

A lot was made of the story that broke before the event started that the European side allegedly banned drinking by their squad for the duration of the event. I am thoroughly unimpressed, and quite frankly shocked that this idea would come from Europe.

I say shame on you curlers! Let’s hope this aberrant behaviour does not become a trend in curling. Next they will try to ban post-game poutine.

(Having spent a few weekends at spiels with Nick Edin and with Scottish curlers in general, I find it difficult to believe that no booze was consumed over the weekend, especially given the friendly and social looking atmosphere of the event)

 ***

Men’s and women’s provincials start next week in Quebec. To keep up with the tradition of handicapping the field – I will start with the Women’s this week, and move onto the men’s next week.

So here are the 8 teams, and my humble opinions on the odds of them winning it all. Please do not take any of this personally – I really have no idea what I am talking about, and am pretty much just looking for some cheap laughs.

First of all, let’s talk about who is not there. The women’s field is absent of a number of big names – like Bélisle, Osborne, Sabourin, Derick, Morgan. It would seem that 2012 was a big year for retirements; maybe women’s curlers have some fear of the Mayan calendar or something.  Either way, the field at this year’s event looks younger than a Twilight premiere night. I believe I can say that I was curling before 75% of the field was even alive. (Please don’t do the math).  I think the field is likely weaker than years past, but it is refreshing to see some youth in Quebec women’s curling.

So here are the eight teams:

1.       MF Larouche:  3 to 1

Marie France is the odds-on favourite to win, once again. They have worked harder than other teams, and MF has more experience than anyone else in the field.

However, they are not the same powerhouse as teams past. Marie France’s team has been kinda busy procreating this year, with 3 of the original 4 each with a baby under 1 year old or coming soon (they started the season with Véro Gregoire, who is also in the family way). When this team says they need to get "pumped up" for a game, they are probably talking about breast milk!

Ok, you can call me an old-fashioned sexist, but I find it difficult to believe that this does not affect them as team. I mean – I don’t even have to breast feed (thank God!), and I have found it tough to curl competitively when I have a young baby. Their new front end is solid, but young, and less experienced.

Having said all this - you can guarantee that they will be around on Sunday.

       2.       Kim Mastine: 5 to 1

This team has been up and down all season. They have never looked truly great, but have never looked truly awful either. They have been together for a couple of years now. This could be their year.  Kim (who is a pharmacist) needs to prescribe herself some beta-blockers to stay cool this week. She is not as good when she gets angry.

      3.       Nathalie Gagnon: 8 to 1

Nat is an experienced skip, with Scotties experience. She has been there before, and this will serve her well against a relatively inexperienced field.

4.       Allison Ross: 10-1

       This team has been brutal when I have seen them this year, although they have done well lately in a few Opens. After the Circuit Finals, they pulled a Pierre Gauthier and traded Mike Cammalleri  (in this case Alanna Rutledge) for Sasha Beauchamp. Will it make a difference? Will the Habs make the playoffs? Probably not in both cases. But hopefully they will look happier than this guy:

5.       MC Cantin: 10-1

Not a bad team. The front end has some solid experience from last year’s Mixed Nationals, and they can all curl. (If I remember correctly, Marie-Christine beat me in the finals of the Vic Open about 10 years ago, which was especially embarrassing given that she was about 15 years old and 4 feet tall at the time).

6.       Helene Pelchat: 12-1

Helene “the Cat” Pelchat has been on the fringe for the last few years, usually a game away from the playoffs. I think that will be the case again this year.

7.       Sian Canavan: 14-1

Young team of curlers – not a bad team. I saw them in a couple of cash spiels this year, where they were very up and down. Will likely not be around for playoff time, but will surprise some teams. I also expect high entertainment value from the announcer in Kenogami trying to pronounce her first name.

8.       Julie Hamel 12-1

Solid young team fresh out of juniors. Will likely surprise a few teams. I play with Alana (their new 3^rd) in the Club at Glenmore, and I can say she does not miss the broom much, and throws big peel weight for somebody who in fact weighs less than the stone.

So who is my pick? I am going with Kim to pull it off. It’s her time.

Screw you curling. Rated PG-13 (language)

Parental Warning: This Blog may contain language considered inappropriate for sailors and young children. Reader discretion is advised.

Screw you Curling!!!

No seriously. Screw you. I practice, I play, I say nice things about you...and you pay me back with a season like the one that just ended? C’mon.

Well I say SCREW YOU! (My middle fingers on both hands are fully extended and directed at my computer screen).

For the second year in a row, my team went into the regionals as the top seed. And for the 2^nd year in a row, we are not going to provincials. Not even close. We were just awful. I was awful. Well, maybe not awful, but just bad enough to lose three games and be knocked out in the C-Final.

Once again – with all due respect to the teams that beat us – we pretty much beat ourselves. It’s like we forgot how to win.

In our first loss, it was a goofy steal of two against Max Dufresne.

In our second loss, it was a steal of 3 to start the game against us, and then after a solid 5 ends, we gave up a retarded 4-banger in the 7^th end to Kevin Golberg.

In our 3^rd loss, we started by giving up an easy 4 (it should have been 5) in the 1^st end to Steeve Gagnon.

So we are out. Very out. My competitive season ends unceremoniously on January 8^th.

So I say again; screw you curling!

 I am done with you this year. You can kiss my badly-beaten 40 year-old-toe-tucking arse.

I used to say nice things about you – I used to defend you when people laughed at you. I used to say – “Curling is not as goofy as it looks – It’s actually fun and cool!”

When people laugh at you on TV   - I used to say “It’s really a great TV sport when you take the time to understand the game!”  Well no more. I will now join in those who mock you.  

When people say it is a sport for old people – I will nod in agreement.

When the assholes on Sports talk radio complain about the amount of curling coverage on TV – I will call in and agree with them. “More poker on TSN!” I will say.

At least for a little while.

***

Okay – enough bad news about me. How about some good news:

Felix Asselin, Marc-Alexandre Dion, Lewis South, and Sami Guimond-Jaber from Glenmore won the Quebec Junior provincials this weekend in Val d’Or.

This is a feel-good story: these are good kids. They play in the club. They are well-coached by Benoit Forget, who deserves a lot of the credit, both for their curling and their attitude.

Best of luck in Nappanee, Ontario at junior Nationals.

For those who have read my post from last week – these guys are a case study about how to integrate juniors into a curling club. Felix and Sami play front end in the Glenmore A-ladder for Lawren Steventon (who I believe went to a Brier 30 or 40 years ago). They play good games, and learn some curling smarts from an able veteran and learn some maturity in the process.  

***

The Skins game was on TSN this weekend. I only caught bits and pieces (was busy losing, as described earlier) - but from what I saw it was good TV. Koe made an “easy” triple take-out TV shot to win. Also - I have to say I got a bit of sick pleasure watching Glenn Howard play as badly as I did this weekend.

Rumour has it they are changing the format next year, with fan voting to select an all-star team to play. I say thank God – this event needs some fresh ideas.

Oh - 1 more thing. I know Casino Rama is a nice sponsor – but I got a little sick of the commercial with all the people with their arms up in the air supposedly celebrating their casino winning.

Seems to me they need to do a commercial with a bunch of people with their empty pockets hanging out to show both sides: (sadly, this is also the way we look in our team picture this year)

That and they kept showing the add for the Slide-and-Serve Meatloaf tray. I have enjoyed my mother's and wife's meatloaf out of a conventional pan my entire life (and have never once seen anything as disgusting looking as the meatloaf you see at the beginning of this video) and - yet I must have one. Damn you marketers!

Watch the commercial here: and it comes with a free slice-and serve knife!!!

http://youtu.be/niYQdLmWacw

Lego Construction and Elf Open-pit Mining

My apologies for taking too a while to blog over the holidays. I was busy - mostly putting together the endless piles of lego and Playmobile that my kids received for Christmas. Below is the Lego Ninja Fire Temple, and my son.

As a result, I am now a Lego God. I am thinking of adding a Lego room in my house. No I don't mean I am going to designate a room to store toys, I am actually going to build an extension on my house out of Lego. I think it would be awesome. Now I only need to find the instructions.

***

Let the Second Season begin.

This weekend I start the process of trying to reach the Brier. Western Quebec Regional playdowns start Friday at Glenmore Curling Club, and conclude Sunday Afternoon.

For those unfamiliar with how competitive curling works – there are really 2 seasons:

·         Season 1: Cash Season: where the teams play each other in tournaments trying to win money. Finishing in 2^nd a 3^rd place here is good – as you still win a fair amount of money.

·         Season 2: Playdown Season: Where everyone tries to win one big prize: A trip to the Brier. There is no 2^nd place.

There is actually a 3rd season - Team Change Season, which officially starts 1 minute after your team has been eliminated from Season 2, or sometimes even before. However, very little curling actually happens during season 3.

I love the Playdown process. When I started in competitive men’s curling in Montreal back in the early 90’s, playdowns used to consist of 80 or so teams playing down to send 3 or 4 teams to Provincials in a triple knockout. EIGHTY teams – just in Montreal.

I won the Montreal A qualifier in 1994 (I think) by winning SEVEN games in a row. Seven! To qualify through the C-section, Montreal teams usually had to play 12 or 13 games, over 9 or 10 days, in 9 or 10 different clubs. Playdowns were an insane test of curling and endurance. And I loved it. It was crazy, it was draining, but man it was fun.

But the playdowns are not what they used to be. This weekend, 12 teams will compete to send 4 to provincials to represent Western Quebec. In Eastern Quebec, 8 teams will play to send another 4 teams. (4 teams are already qualified through points: Menard, Reid, Desjardins and Ferland). So in the entire province, 24 teams are attempting to qualify to go to the Brier. Fifteen years ago, this number was well over a hundred. (Make no mistake - having fewer teams does not make it easier - all 12 teams are tough - there is no such thing as an easy game in playdowns).

This is not only a Quebec phenomenon. Other provinces are seeing similar declines in competitive participation. Women’s Curling is even more of a tragic tale. Curling Quebec will struggle to find eight women’s teams to play in provincials this year.

So why the decline? Where has everybody gone? Why does competitive curling appear to be in such decline?

The answer is not simple. In theory, curling should be benefitting from increased TV exposure and Olympic coverage. I also do not believe that participation levels in curling have declined as rapidly as the number of teams playing competitively.

I have 2 theories to explain the decline:

Theory 1: The good teams are too good

The fact is that there are only 5 or 6 teams that could conceivably win the province. So why should anyone else even try? So why would anyone take a week off of work to go to Quebec provincials in order to fill out the field, or waste $300 to play 3 or 4 games in the Regionals?

I hear this from a lot of teams as their excuse for not playing in playdowns, but to be honest – the same was true 20 years ago, and yet over a hundred teams tried out. Admittedly, it used to cost $100 to play in regionals, but I am not convinced that dropping the price would increase participation.

Theory 2:  Demographics:

Curling is getting older. The last 20 years have seen an exodus of people in their 20s and 30s from the game. Clubs have done a poor job of keeping junior curling alive, and in integrating juniors into adult curling once they grow up. Also, it is just not easy for people in their 20’s and 30’s to curl. We all have jobs, and mortgages, and kids, and whatever - that make it impractical to commit to curling competitively.

Participation is still high in Seniors curling in Quebec and Canada.

So what do we need to do?

1.       To deal with Theory 1: The Club Series: Curling Quebec has actually taken a very intelligent approach to this problem. They are spending a lot of time and $$$ supporting “Club Series” events, aimed at providing Club-level curlers with competitions where they have a chance of winning. The Dominion has created a National Championship for Club Curlers, and word is spreading about just how good thsi event is.

2.       To Deal with theory 2: Rebuild the base:  Support junior curling. And not only competitive junior curling. Junior curling needs to be fun, and not only for the 1 team per club playing competitively. Clubs need to be social clubs for juniors, more than just another activity that they play between 9-11 Saturday mornings. If your Club does not have a solid junior program – then shame on you. A lot of clubs have a difficult time finding volounteers to run a junior program. If this is the case - then hire poeple. Hire kids who are just out of juniors -who can animate and teach the younger kids.

As I have said before - curling is in danger of becoming like the luge - a quirky Olympic sport that only a few weird people actually try. 

Quebec Junior Provincials:

Quebec Junior Provincials are going on this weekend in balmy Val d’Or (temperature at 8PM last night: minus 26).

In case you are not up on your Quebec geography, Val d’Or is located about a few hours North of, well nowhere. It is a few kilometres South of Santa’s North Pole toy production facility. Fortunately, elves who are not qualified as toymakers for Santa can find employment working as miners in Val d’Or’s open-pit gold mines (see below), or as hunting and fishing guides.  

Favorites:

Boys: Felix Asselin from Glenmore, Jean-Benoit Milot and Jeff Stewart from Valleyfield – who should have won last year.

Girls: Roxanne Perron from Quebec, and possibly Allison and L isaDavies from Glenmore. Lisa plays in the Glenmore ladder with Tom Wharry, so she has learned how to drink Labatt 50 and to how to win curling games. Both will serve her well.

Two tickets to the gun show

Twas the blog before Christmas...

First of all; please excuse my lack of blogging for the last couple of weeks. I could make up a lame excuse about being busy with pregnant wife/kids/holidays whatever...but the truth is I just did not feel like it.

The season competitive cash season was long and not particularly fruitful this year...the team account finished well in the red. And we definitely lost some extremely frustrating and disappointing games. When things are not going well, competitive curling almost feels like a job.

To sum up our season - we had some good moments, but we lost 3 C-qualifiers, which all together total about $10,000 worth of defeats. But more importantly, we lost games that we should not have lost. If we had lost to teams curling 100%, it would somehow feel a little less painful. But that is not how we lost. We lost by making mistakes - by choosing the wrong shot, by missing the wrong shot, by miscalling line. With all due respect to the teams that beat us: we beat ourselves. 

So, in short, I needed a couple of weeks to not think about competitive curling - to not think about the fact that we now have to play down in a very tough west regional playdown to get to provincials - to not think about what we need to do different next time we step on the ice to keep from defeating ourselves.

So I tried to remember that curling is fun. I played some ladder games in the club. I practiced. I remembered why I love this game so much. I made some shots, I missed some shots. We won some games, we had some drinks. It is good to remember that curling is about making shots, at whatever level you play at. There is an understated elegance to a perfectly executed curling shot; it feeds the ego with a sense of accomplishment. I think this is why the “On purpose” CCA commercial works so well. It just feels good to make shots.

I believe it was Pitbull (an honorary member of Team Fournier), who while providing backup vocals to Enrique Iglesias, so wisely stated: “You gonna like how it feels”.

Oh Pitbull, will you ever cease to provide us with your eternal wisdom?

 ***

So what has been going in the curling world since I last blogged?

First of all, Jean Michel qualified in the Grand Slam. For those who do not follow curling that closely, let me tell you that this is HUGE. The Slam features a who’s who in World Curling. And JM proved that he belonged there, losing a tight game on a measure to eventual winner Mike McEwen of Winnipeg in the 1/4 finals. This is a great result for these guys, who now are by far the favourites heading into Quebec provincials this year.  (by the way - shame on the CBC who missed the opportunity to show the McEwen-Menard game, instead of yet another Stoughton/Martin game).

Joëlle Sabourin also had a big win. She is playing 2^nd for Jennifer Jones, filling in for Jill Officer while she is in the family way. They won the Canada Cup of Curling – a big CCA event that features most of the top teams in the country.

And it’s always nice to see Joëlle on TV. And check out those biceps! Christmas gift suggestion: 2 tickets to the gun show!

***

5 rocks?

Other big news in curling is the 5-rock rule. The Grand Slam experimented with the 5-rock free guard zone, meaning that the team with the hammer gets to put a 2^nd unremovable guard up if they so choose.

The big impact of this is a team with a lead will have a more difficult time peeling out a game, as the opposition is guaranteed at least 2 guards per end if they choose. I think it will reward teams that can make runbacks and freezes.

Predictably, at the Grand Slam it amounted to a lot more rocks in play and some more offensive curling – which is all good news as far as I am concerned. It definitely makes it harder to play defence, but here is a bold prediction: the best teams will find a way to win with this rule as well, just like they did with the 4-rock rule.

Suggestion to all curling clubs: play the last round of your league with the 5-rock rule this year – it is surely coming soon – and it will give everyone something to talk about.

***

So what is next?

Regional playdowns are set for Jan 6-7-8 at Glenmore and I believe Etchemin. This year's participation is at an all time low (which I will talk about in a later blog) - with 12 teams at Glenmore and 8 at Etchemin, playing for 4 spots in each region. The low particpation does not make it any easier for us; the West playdown features 12 pretty strong teams (if you include us!).   

***

A very Merry Christmas to all of my loyal readers.

I will surely blog after the holidays as we head into regional playdowns and then provincials. In the meantime, wish us luck! Or more importantly, wish us fun.

Screw you Charlevoix part deux - featuring Pitbull

Back from Charlevoix...and looking forward to over a month off from competitive curling.

Once again - Charlevoix provided me with disappointing results - lost the C-qualifier to Serge Reid in a very disappointing and frustrating game. We gave up a brutal steal of 4 in an end that looked very promising, and quickly turned into a nightmare.
So I say again - SCREW YOU CHARLEVOIX.

I won't go as far as to say that I will never go back, because, deep down, I know I will.

***

Speaking of frustration  - I was thinking about this...
Is there any sport that can match curling in terms of sheer ability to frustrate you?
Golf can be frustrating  - and I have wanted to fling a putter or two in my life - but for my money - curling wins hands down. I think its because the difference between glorious success and complete failure is so small:
A takeout that ticks a guard by 1mm is completely useless - but if it gets by it is a perfect shot...
Golf seems far less arbitrary.

***

Johnny the Hammer Chow (aka Terence Yip) was in Charlevoix this year. He stars in a cool ad campaign that the CCA has come up with to try to get people curling...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150416846229065

Apparently these are also available in French  - and we will be seeing more of these...


***

Charlevoix was surprisingly won by Brad Gallant from PEI. This is poetic justice for all of us that made fun of Eddie Mackenzie, the horrid 1-10 PEI team from last year's Brier. I think we got the Islanders mad at us...Gallant knocked off Brad Gushue in the finals.

***

Here is some random venting. To all tournament organizers out there:  First of all - thanks for all of your hard work - BUT
CAN YOU PLEASE REMEMBER THAT SOME OF US HAVE JOBS!!!

Every spiel we play in now seems to start earlier and earlier. Charlevoix started teams at 7:30am Thursday this year. More than half of the teams were out by Friday night - Saturday morning at the latest. Only four teams play Sunday.
I did not study the open draw - but I hear it was just as awful.

I like curling - but if every spiel costs everyone 2+ days of vacation - then don't be surprised that participation is down. Charlevoix has been getting away with it because they do so many things right - but I heard a lot of complaining this year.

I seem to remember a few years ago, curling was an activity that you could play on weekends.

***

Curling on TV.

A new era is starting in Quebec this week. RDS2 will begin broadcasting curling - and lots of it. RDS2 is set to broadcast over 100 games this year (I did not know there were more than 100 games to watch)
The Canada Cup kicks off this weekend, and will feature the usual suspects curling for cash this weekend - and RDS will cover the semis and finals.

This is a new opportunity for curling in Quebec - where the sport is - let's admit it - in rapid decline.

While the Olympics have given curling a great deal of exposure in the last decade - this exposure has not translated into participation. Curling needs a boost. And a bunch of people watching on TV has potential.

Here is hoping that Guy Hemmings and whoever else broadcasts the game can add colour and excitement to draw in viewers - and to convince them that they should try this sport.

The art however lies in getting people to join, not just try. Curling Clubs are very good at setting up "Come try curling for a day" events, but are notoriously bad at converting trials into memberships. It is easy to get people in the door - but clubs are not set up to get them to stay.
Too often - new members get thrown into crappy leagues on crappy teams with people who suck at curling, and are left to try to figure out the game for themselves. Not only that - if somebody walks into a curling club now - they will likely be told that the leagues have already started for the year, so come back in September.
(I am speaking in generalities of course - some clubs integrate new members very well).

So tip for curling clubs - don't try to organize "Come try Curling" days until you have seriously thought about how to seal the deal. Curling on TV presents a real opportunity to grow our sport. Let's not screw it up!

***

Okay - not related to curling at all...
Why is it that every song you hear these days is featuring Pitbull? Who is this Pitbull? Where did he come from?
I was watching TV with my daughter - and I swear I saw Barney the Dinosaur - featuring Pitbull.

So from now on - our team is no longer Team Fournier - we are now Team Fournier featuring Pitbull. I will get him do do a little rap before we start each game.

"Yo - all you mother F&?&*ers on the curling sheet -
Took me all season to get my life unstuck-
Now Team Fourniers gonna run over you like a Tonka Truck."

You stay classy, Charlevoix

Yes, I am curling in Charlevoix this weekend. For those of you who are regular readers of my blog, after a humbling 1-3 performance in last year’s event, I wrote “Screw you Charlevoix” and vowed never to return to the place that has brought me so little success in recent years.

Well, like a strung-out junkie returning to his dealer for another hit, I am back for more. Hit me one more time Charlevoix.

The unavoidable truth is that Charlevoix is simply the best spiel in Quebec. We start Thursday morning against Dan Petryk, an affable dentist from Calgary. Should be fun.

And of course- we will hear from my favourite band in the world, the 2-person band that plays the party every year at the Curling club. They do not speak a word of English – but bravely perform a mostly English set of songs, often mangling the words.

Classics from the past:

From ACDC: “She was a fax machine, she kept her motor clean...

From the Black-Eyed Peas: “Tonight gonna be a good night”

This year I am expecting:

 “Hive got fashion in my pants hand I hate afraid to schewitt - Hi m’sexy and Hi know it” by the Black Eyed Peas

And of course “Honda Floor” by JLo

***

When did I become an old curler.

This week I will be playing in Charlevoix, and on Thursday I turn 40.

For years – I always felt like a young kid in the curling world. I always felt like I was just out of juniors – throwing big takeouts and challenging the old guys. But somewhere along the line I became an old guy.   I still feel like I curl the same, if not better than when I was 30, or 20. My wavy Stoughton-esque hair used to billow behind me as I effortlessly threw peels, whereas today I find myself wearing hats to keep my head warm.  I fully expect to have to start rubbing Tiger Balm or some other vile-smelling cream on my joints to continue toe-tucking in the next few years.

I am definitely smarter than I was then, although it does not seem to help me win that many more games. Maybe being young and foolish has its advantages on a curling sheet as well. Oh well, here’s hoping my forties bring me as much pleasure and fun as I’ve had curling up ‘til now.   

***

I curled in Brantford this weekend in the Sun Life Classic. It was a great spiel, and a fun experience. I just wish I would have curled a bit better. We lost 3 out of 4, and were out by Saturday night.

Strange set of winners on the men’s side – despite all the big names present the finals featured two underdog European sides. The spiel was eventually won by Niklas Edin from Sweden, a great guy who does not let his lack of English language skills limit his ability to hit on women. I remember not too long ago you would look forward to playing the European teams, as they were an easy win. But no more.

***

While our curling was not top notch – Brantford did provide a great reminder of what makes competitive curling great. Saturday night I shared drinks, laughs and fun with people from Saskatchewan, Sweden, Minnesota, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, Newfoundland and all places in between. While there are a few assholes in every group, for the most part competitive curlers are fun, nice people.

***

 Our drive up to Brantford sucked. We got caught behind an accident on the 401 in Trenton, and spent almost 4 hours not moving on the highway. It was only made liveable by the fact that we watched Anchorman – the Legend of Ron Burgundy on my laptop while waiting . You stay classy San Diego.

Btw - my Movember moustache currently looks very Ron Burgundy-like.

***

The other Quebec teams also fared pretty poorly in Brantford, JM Menard was out on Saturday, as was Marie-France Larouche. But fortunately, this provided an opportunity for Eric Sylvain (Jean-Michel’s 2^nd) to put on an indescribable display of dancing prowess in the hospitality room at the hotel. Jean-Michel is in serious danger of losing Eric to the next edition of So You Think You Can Dance Canada.  Let’s hope the tryouts don’t conflict with Provincials.

***

The Dominion kicks off this week in Richmond Hill, BC. Good luck to all participants.

The Dominion is quickly becoming the most talked about event in Canada. It is a national competition for club level curlers - a sort of Amateur Championship. It is a great reminder of what curling should be about. It’s social, it’s fun and it is a sport for everyone.