Brier Week Cheese Dogs

Random Brier week thoughts:

- Some strange results so far. Stoughton looks like he is playing in the Glenmore Intermediate as opposed to the Brier. Mead is cracking jokes, the front end looks bored, and Jeff is throwing his inturn like a Frisbee. Not sure if they will make it to the weekend, but if they do they will likely play better.

- I have never been a big Martin Short fan, but man that Capital One commercial where he plays the role of a cheesy PR guy, a cross-eyed hockey player, a cross eyed toothless goalie, a cross –eyed referee and a frustrated announcer trying to book a rewards flight at a hockey game is AWFUL. But it looks like they spent a pile of money on special effects, and they run the commercial about a zillion times every draw. Maybe next time, spend less money on the talent, more on the script writer.

- Bret Gallant looks horrible this week. The way he is playing, Gushue would not hire him to serve frozen yogurt at his shop, let alone play 3^rd for him next year. Gush is going to have to stand on his head to make playoffs. I am hoping they lose a 5^th game soon, so that TSN will stop showing them as the feature game.

- Quebec is having a strange week: they beat Cotter, then they lose to PEI. They beat Manitoba, then lose to Grattan.  Will the real team Ménard please stand up? They are still alive, but it looks like they will have to almost win out (including big games against Koe and Gushue) to make playoffs.  

- Was watching Cathy Gauthier introduce the Quebec team. She started going on about how Jean-Michel has to practice a lot, because he does not really get to play a lot of competitive teams in Quebec. Boo Cathy Gauthier. Her and Mudryk are awful – even for the early morning games. Have switched to Guy on RDS2, even though he keeps saying “pesanteur block de départ” instead of “hack”.

- Eddie Mackenzie made a nice early run to try to avoid relegation, but it will be too little too late.

- Surprised Nova Scotia is so bad. I have played these guys before, they are not as bad as 0-7.

- Kamloops looks empty. There are almost as few people watching as the Slams.

- Okay – I have heard about Jenny’s blown out knee and pregnancy. I get it. WFG stuck by her and threw more money at her, instead of ditching the pregnant lady with the bad knee. Good for them. But if I see this commercial again I am going to stick a Q-tip into my brain (have not received the Wax Vac yet). WTF WFG?

- I still like Koe to win, but damn he is boring to watch. He makes Stoughton look like Brock Virtue.

- I just don’t get why TSN, Sportsnet, RDS all need to have 7,000,000 people talking about the NHL trade deadline. And everyone has to have a countdown clock, and a team of talking heads discussing all the trades that will not happen. I just spent 20 minutes watching Bob Mackenzie texting someone. Can we just wait until after the deadline, and then tell me who went where? The trade deadline day turns all the hockey people into gossiping teenage girls.

- I think Scotties has to stop showing the commercial with Heather Smith-Dacey, unless the re-edit it to remove the Dacey out of it, kinda like Heather has done. (not to spread gossip, but she will be playing with Johnny Morris in Ottawa at the Canadian Mixed Doubles in a few weeks. Hmmmmmm)

- Johnny Mo has to market those green curling shoes. They look magical. I am thinking of getting a pair in Ruby Red, so I can click my heels together when it gets ugly.

- Highlight of the week so far: Balsy (Greg Balsdon) making a great shot in a losing effort to NB, then turning to the crowd and shouting “COME ON!” with his best Brad Jacobs impression. Magic. As expected Greg has been entertaining, and has added the term “Cheese Dog” to the curling vocabulary. I believe it is similar to the “Soft, stinky-cheese weight” that Scott Hill used to call.  Also here is a great link to Greg getting interviewed by John Morris: Morris and Balsdon

 

Brier Predictions, and I need a Wax Vac

You might have noticed that curling is back on TV…with the Brier in Kamloops BC. I must say it is a little bit painful watching the Brier this year, given that we came somewhat close to making it there. And it seems somewhat anti-climactic after the thrill of the Olympics. But what the hell, it still provides more compelling drama than most of the grand slams, and there is really not much else on TV these days.

The post-Olympic Briers are extremely tough to predict. Half of the teams there will not be together next year, and this surely affects their outlook and their chemistry. The last two post-Olympic Briers were won by Menard and Koe, both surprises. The big teams are usually a bit burnt out, as following the Olympic dream now means curling like a maniac for the 2 or 3 years leading up to the trials. It is normal for the teams to have a letdown in the months after.

Round Robin predictions:

- Kevin Koe is probably the odds-on favorite to win. This is a great team (although the rumour is that they will be breaking up after this week) with a ton of talent and experience who would love nothing more than to cap the disappointment of their trials performance with a Brier win. Prediction: 9-2 or 8-3.

- Greg Balsdon (Ont): the team that nobody knows, who beat Glenn Howard in Ontario. This is a solid cashspiel team, with Slam and Trials experience. And unlike many of the other favorites, they probably do not have plans to break up next week! Expect to see them in the playoffs. Prediction 8-3 or 7-4.

- Jeff Stoughton. Not sure if this is a swan song Brier for the 50-year old, but it sure feels like one. I am thinking he might win, have his team tearfully carry him out of the arena with him on their shoulders waving triumphantly to the crowd, and then announce his retirement (which would be especially ironic, since Team Canada gets invited back next year for the first time). Prediction 10-1 or 9-2

- Brad Gushue (NL): I guess he will do well. His team has looked rather shitty so far, with Gallant currently curling like milk (somewhere between 2 and 3.25%).  Brad himself makes everything, but I am not sure he can carry this team on his back. Likely will squeeze into playoffs, then exit quickly like most years. Prediction: 7-4

- Jeff Cotter/John Morris (BC): Welcome back Cotter, the Cinderella-story from the trials will be tough to beat, mainly because of Morris. I think everyone and their dog knows that he will not be with this team for much longer, and he seems to be as popular in BC curling circles as an OCA official a CCA cocktail party, and I think this will keep them from winning. Prediction 7-4 or 6-5

- Jean-Michel Ménard: the perennial Quebec team will be tough to beat. They are not as consistent this year as they have been in years past, but they have the talent and the experience to get by anyone. It will depend mostly on Crete who can be outstanding or can be mediocre. Not sure why, but look for more insane yelling and quirky TSN clips of them looking silly, like the cover of the Tankard Times below. They will finish somewhere between 8-3 and 6-5.

 

 

-- Steve Laycock (Sask): Apart from having the best porn-star name in curling, this is a decent team. I don’t think they will win, or make the playoffs, but will finish around 6-5 or 5-6 and beat some good teams.

- The other Koe from the NWT? Could surprise a lot of teams and squeak into a playoff spot like he did a few years back, but it would be unexpected. Expect 6-5 or 5-6.

Everybody else? Likely beating each other up trying to avoid the shame and horror of next year’s relegation game. I don’t think anyone else will win more than 5 games, although I would love to see Grattan (NB) or Murphy (NS) in the playoffs.

Prediction for the Final:

Stoughton and Koe in the final. First one who smiles, loses.

Some other thoughts:

- I need a Wax Vac. I have been risking my brain and my eardrums for year by using a Q-Tip to clean out my ears. What was I thinking!?! I love the “doctor” they interview during the infomercial who tells you how unsafe it is to stick sharp objects into your ear. Love the Brier commercials.

 

 - The arena looks somewhat empty so far. I expect this Brier to be a bit like the Montreal Scotties; smaller crowds than usual, more of a quaint location. I assume the CCA tries smaller than usual markets during the Olympic years where the Scotties and Brier tend to play second fiddle to the Olympics.

- Speaking of the Olympics, it seems that Jacobs and Team will be canonized at the Brier, where they will make a celebrity appearance later this week. Ryan Fry’s head will be so big that it will have its own gravitational field. Rocks on the ice will be affected, and will begin circling his head like moons.

- If you are on Twitter – you need to be following the Fake Jean-Michel Ménard  (@FakeJMenard). Absolutely hilarious. And for those of you who keep asking - it is not me!!!